Validating LDAP through QTP – 2

Moving from checking the user Existence from the previous post, we shall now try to understand how we can validate the user details present in the LDAP for a particular user.

So let us define a function getUserDetail(USerID,Field).

This will take the user-name and field as an input, and return Value of the field specified.

public Function getUserDetail(USerID,Field)

Set con = CreateObject("adodb.connection")
con.Open "Provider=ADsDSOObject;", "cn=root","password"

Select Case lcase(Field)
Case "firstname"
Field = "givenname"
Case "lastname"
Field = "sn"
Case "userdisabled"
Field = "ou"
Case "mobile"
Field = "mobile"
Case "email"
Field = "mail"
Case "phone"
Field = "homePhone"
Case "title"
Field = "businessCategory"
Case "password"
Field = "userPassword"
Case else
Reporter.ReportEvent micFail, "Invalid field; not found in ldap","Invalid field; not found in ldap"
Exit Function
End Select '
str= "select "& Field & " from 'LDAP://ldapserver:389/cn=users,dc=compName,dc=com' where ObjectClass='inetorgperson'and uid='"& UserName & "'"

Set rs = con.Execute(str)

val=""

Do While Not rs.EOF Or rs.BOF
ReturnValue = rs.Fields(Field)
val=""
If IsArray(ReturnValue) Then
val = ReturnValue(0)
For I = LBound(ReturnValue) + 1  To UBound(ReturnValue)
If ReturnValue(I) <> "" Then
val = val & "," & ReturnValue(I)
End If
Next
Else
Val = ReturnValue
End If
rs.MoveNext
Loop

If TypeName(val) = "Byte()" then
val=OctetToHexStr(val)

end if
getUserDetail= Val & ""
End Function

Function OctetToHexStr(arrbytOctet)
Dim k
OctetToHexStr = ""
For k = 1 To Lenb(arrbytOctet)
OctetToHexStr = OctetToHexStr &  Right("0" & Hex(Ascb(Midb(arrbytOctet, k, 1))), 2)
Next
End Function

This function can fetch most of the basic fields such as FirstName, LastName, Phone.. etc. It can also fetch the password, but will be encycpted.

Most of the field updates can be validated with this function, And even Password reset can validated with simple logic as below.

oldpwd=getUserDetail("userid","password")
/*      code to click on reset password button        */
newpwd=getUserDetail("userid","password")

if oldpwd = newpwd then
   Reporter.ReportEvent micFail, "Reset Password failed in LDAP","Reset Password failed in LDAP"
else
   Reporter.ReportEvent micPass, "Reset Password passed in LDAP","Reset Password passed in LDAP"
endif

PS: Fields that we can query are limited the basic fields, And not any user defined fields.

Validating LDAP through QTP – 1

For the complete and Good Test Coverage, we usually cover the UI check, DB check as part of the automation. One more area which we more over tried to have a check is the LDAP. All user related information such as UserName, FirstName, mail-id, password, contact information are stored in LDAP Securely. I will we explain how we can Automate The LDAP tests with this series of Post.

Firstly, we shall try to understand how we can communicate with LDAP through QTP/VB scripts. LDAP internally have its own Database, which we can query the information. The process is simple as in the case of Database query. we first establish a connection, query the information. process the output.

As an example, we will define a function getDNofUser(username).

This will take the user-name as an input, and return empty string if the user doesn’t exist, or a complete Distinguished name of that user.

public Function getDNofUser(UserName)
 Set con = CreateObject("adodb.connection")
 con.Open "Provider=ADsDSOObject;", "cn=root", "password"
 sql = "select cn from 'LDAP://ldapserver:389/cn=users,dc=compName,dc=com' 
where ObjectClass='inetorgperson'and uid='"& UserName & "'"

 Set rs = con.Execute(sql)
 val=""      

 Do until rs.EOF
 ReturnValue = rs.Fields(0)
 val=""
 If IsArray(ReturnValue) Then
 val = "cn=" & ReturnValue(0) & ",cn=users,dc=compName,dc=com"
 Else
 Val = "cn=" & ReturnValue & ",cn=users,dc=compName,dc=com"
 End If
 rs.MoveNext
 Loop
 getDNofUser = val
End Function

The line

con.Open "Provider=ADsDSOObject;", "cn=root", "password" 

creates a connection object, we have to provide the LDAP credentials here. It need not be cn=root alway, It can be any user with read permission to the directory structure.

The line

sql = "select cn from 'LDAP://ldapserver:389/cn=users,dc=compName,dc=com' 
where ObjectClass='inetorgperson'and uid='"& UserName & "'"

is the actually query from which we would be fetching the detail from.

Note that in from clause, we are providing the ldap details: servername, portnumber, user Container and baseDN. In the where clause we are specifying the objectclass the user belong and the uid we are interested.

Once we execute this sql we will get the recordset. Little processing it we will be able to validate the user is present or not in the LDAP. So the Create User Sanity Test Case will Pass!! 🙂

Indian Languages on Andriod

Continuing  with Android R&D, I have now explored how font rendering works on Android.  If I am not wrong, Due to the internal memory limitation, Android don’t support all the languages. Only Latin bases languages are supported officially. Android uses UTF-8 standard for encoding. UTF-8 is the universal, and support all the languages and scripts.

Andriod have its own fonts and stored in /system/fonts directory.  This directory include the following fonts

• DroidSans.ttf
• DroidSans-Bold.ttf
• DroidSansFallback.ttf
• DroidSansMono.ttf
• DroidSerif-Bold.ttf
• DroidSerif-BoldItalic.ttf
• DroidSerif-Italic.ttf
• DroidSerif-Regular.ttf

As the names suggest, it support sans and serif font with bold, italic and mono spaced fonts. All these expect DroidSansFallback.ttf support only Latin based. And to support other languages, DroidSansFallback is used. when the non Latin characters are found in a text, its glyphs will not be present in DroidSans.ttf, but andriod will fallback to DroidSansFallback.ttf to fetch the glyph and present it in the UI.

DroidSansFallback is not complete set, and don’t contain any Indian languages. But if we replace DroidSansFallback.ttf with some Indian Font, say Sampige.ttf (Kannada Unicode font) renamed as DroidSansFallback.ttf , It would render Kannada characters and you will be able to read Kannada websites, twitts, Messages, mails etc.

However android doesn’t support conjuncts (how one character can modify the next or previous), Due to which the complex rendering doesn’t work, But still readable.

When it comes to Indian Languages we have many. I have worked an them and came up a Single Font for all languages . You can find this font on xdadevelopers forum. We don’t have to replace all the fonts, just replace DroidSansFallback.ttf font with this font.

Check this blog to know how to replace. we need to root the phone first.

Here are the sample screen shots of my android phone(Xperia x10 mini) with font installed.

Update: Latest Firmware from Sony Ericsson and Samsung  support Devanagari and Bengali Fonts. And the good news is that, It now support conjuncts (how one character can modify the next or previous). And its Perfectly readable.

For other Languages. The above procedure still holds good.

Here are the screen captures..

Kannada In Computers

I have always been asked how to type in Kannada on computers. I though of sharing the methods on my blog. This holds good for other Indian languages as well.

Targeting at Windows first. They are about dozen ways to type in Kannada.  I am not going to explain all the ways but only target the easiest ways.

Enabling Indian Language Support

Before beginning, Your computer needs to enabled for the support of the languages.  To do this follow these steps for Windows XP

1. Go to Control Panel
2. Open Regional and Language options applet
3. Click  on Languages tab.
4. Check the option “Install files for complex scripts and right-to-left languages(including Thai)”
   

   Regional Settings

5. click “Ok” on the alert, and then press “Details”
6. check the option “Extend support of advanced text services to all programs”
   

   Regional Settings

7. Finally, Click on “Apply” in all the dialogs.
8. It may ask of the “Windows CD” and to restart. Do them accordingly and your XP support Indian Language.

Later Windows, Vista Windows 7, support Indian Language by Default.

Using the Tools

• Predictive Input: These are the easiest way to type Kannada, they predict the words as you type. Browser versions are also available.
  

1. Microsoft Indic Language Input
2. Google IME

• Non Predictive Input: These are classic way of typing based on keyboard layouts.

1. BarahaIME
2. Nudi

SWIMMING POOL!!??

It’s Saturday morning and Bob’s just about to set off on a round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

“Hello?” says a little girl’s voice.

“Hi, honey, it’s Daddy,” says Bob. “Is Mommy near the phone?”

“No, Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank.”

After a brief pause, Bob says, “But you haven’t got an Uncle Frank, honey!”

“Yes, I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!”

“Okay, then. Here’s what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car’s just pulled up outside the house.”

“Okay, Daddy!” A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. “Well, I did what you said, Daddy.”

“And what happened?”

“Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she’s all dead.”

“Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?”

“He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he’s dead too.”

There is a long pause.

“Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?”

Why did the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

CLINTON: I did not, and I repeat, I did not have any relations with the chicken.

Top 20 Replies by Programmers when their programs do not work

20. “That’s weird…”

19. “It’s never done that before.”

18. “It worked yesterday.”

17. “How is that possible?”

16. “It must be a hardware problem.”

15. “What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?”

14. “There is something wrong in your data.”

13. “I haven’t touched that module in weeks!”

12. “You must have the wrong version.”

11. “It’s just some unlucky coincidence.”

10. “I can’t test everything!”

9. “THIS can’t be the source of THAT.”

8. “It works, but it hasn’t been tested.”

7. “Somebody must have changed my code.”

6. “Did you check for a virus on your system?”

5. “Even though it doesn’t work, how does it work?

4. “You can’t use that version on your system.”

3. “Why do you want to do it that way?”

2. “Where were you when the program blew up?”

And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don’t work:

1. “It works on my machine.”

Funny Side Up

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gilbert’s Discovery:
Any attempt to use the new super glues results in the two pieces sticking to your thumb and index finger rather than to each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed.  It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
— Oscar Wilde
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you can’t read this, blame a teacher.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You can fool some of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, and that is sufficient.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hildebrant’s Principle:
If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
— Robert Benchley
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conjecture: All odd numbers are prime.
Mathematician’s Proof:
3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  By induction, all odd numbers are prime.
Physicist’s Proof:
3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  9 is experimental error.  11 is prime.  13 is prime …
Engineer’s Proof:
3 is prime.  5 is prime.  7 is prime.  9 is prime. 11 is prime.  13 is prime …
Computer Scientist’s Proof:
3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime.  3 is prime…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An apple a day makes 365 apples a year.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q:      How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A:      Seemed logical — I didn’t have any real intelligence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Workers of the world, arise!  You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love is staying up all night with a sick child, or a healthy adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A transistor protected by a fast-acting fuse will protect the fuse by blowing first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are all agreed that your theory is crazy.  The question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct.  My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough.
— Niels Bohr
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.
— Will Rogers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is so stupid of modern civilisation to have given up believing in the devil when he is the only explanation of it.
— Ronald Knox, “Let Dons Delight”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
High heels are a device invented by a woman who was tired of being kissed on the forehead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snoopy: No problem is so big that it can’t be run away from.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman — before marriage and after marriage.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lawyer’s Rule:
When the law is against you, argue the facts.
When the facts are against you, argue the law.
When both are against you, call the other lawyer names.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If it happens once, it’s a bug.
If it happens twice, it’s a feature.
If it happens more than twice, it’s a design philosophy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’ve always felt sorry for people that don’t drink — remember,
when they wake up, that’s as good as they’re gonna feel all day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He who knows not and knows that he knows not is ignorant.  Teach him.
He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool.  Shun him.
He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep.  Wake him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men are in a hot-air balloon.  Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere.  One of the three men says, “I’ve got an idea.  We can
call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices to the end of the canyon.  Someone’s bound to hear us by then!”
So he leans over the basket and screams out, “Helllloooooo!  Where are we?”  (They hear the echo several times).
Fifteen minutes later, they hear this echoing voice: “Helllloooooo!
You’re lost!”
The shouter comments, “That must have been a mathematician.”
Puzzled, his friend asks, “Why do you say that?”
“For three reasons.  First, he took a long time to answer, second,
he was absolutely correct, and, third, his answer was absolutely useless.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You will always find something in the last place you look.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nothing lasts forever.
Where do I find nothing?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder.
— Pope John Paul I
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The marvels of today’s modern technology include the development of a soda can, when discarded will last forever … and a $7,000 car which
when properly cared for will rust out in two or three years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unquotable quotes

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.”

-Pierre Pachet,Professor of Physiology at Toulouse,1872.

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.”

-Bill Gates,1981

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”

-Ken Olson,president,chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp.,1977

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk.”

-H.M.Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.”

-Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.”

-Drillers whom Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.”

-Irving Fisher,Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.”

-Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872.

“But what … is it good for?”

-Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Divison of IBM,1968,commenting on the microchip.

“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”

-Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

“This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”

-Western Union internal memo,1876.

“I think there is a world market of maybe five computers.”

-Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM,1943.

“Correctly English in 100 Days”

-Title from an East Asian book for beginning English speakers.

“India is the finest climate under the sun; but a lot of young fellows come out here,and they drink and they eat,and they drink and die;and then they write home to the their parents a pack of lies,and say it’s the climate that has killed them.”

– Sir Collin Campbell, British officer charged by British War Department to report on morale problems with the British Army in India.

“It is curious to observe the various substitutes for paper before its invention.”

-Isaac D’Israeli, noted author.

“You’re partly one hundred percent right.”

-movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn.

“I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them for five years.”

-movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn.

“The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”

-attributed to Senator S.I.Hayakawa

“I usually take a two     -hour nap, from one o’clock to four.”

-Yogi Berra.

“I didn’t inhale.”

-Bill Clinton, as Democratic presidential candidate, answering rumors that he had smoked marijuana.

“I’m not indecisive. Am I indecisive?

-Jim Seibel, mayor of St. Paul, Minnesota.

“Sir, you have tasted two whole worms; you have hissed all my mystery lectures and been caught fighting liars in the quad, you will leave Oxford by the next town drain.”

-Rev. William A. Spooner telling a student to leave his class for nonattendance and lighting fires; his classic spoonerism

“A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.”

-movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn.

“The bombs are aimed exclusively at military targets….Unfortunately there are some civilians around these targets.”

-Dwight D. Eisenhower,standing up for the way the United States was handling bombing in North Vietnam.

“Don’t talk to me while I’m interrupting.”

-director Michael Curtiz.

“Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.”

-Yogi Berra.

“I love sports. Whenever I can I always watch the Detriot Tigers on radio.”

-President Gerald Ford.

“The time is here, and is rapidly approaching.”

-William Field, Member of Parliament.

Tom Seaver: “What time is it?”

Yogi Berra: “You mean now?”

Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.

-ad slogan “Pepsi Comes Alive” as initially translated in to Chinese.

“It gets late early out there.”

-Yogi Berra.

“Brooks Robinson is not a fast man, but his arms and legs move very quickly.”

-Curt Gowd, network sports announcer

“Mr. Speaker, this bill is a phony with a capital F.”

-congressman durng a heated congressional debate.

“It was necessary to destroy the village in order to save it.”

-an American officer in Vietnam in a 1968 report on the razing of Vietnamese village Ben Tre.

Members and Non     -Members Only.

-sign outside Mexico’s Mandinga Disco in the Hotel Emperio.

“It’s dull from beginning to end. But it’s loaded with entertainment.”

– Michael Curtiz, Hollywood Director, on a musical.

“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass      – and I’m just the one to do it.”

-a congressional candidate in Texas, reported by Massachusetts State Senator John F. Parker .

“I never said I had no idea about most of the things you said I said I had no idea about.”

-Elliott Abrams, Assistant Secretary of State, clarifying himself before a 1987 congressional meeting.

“I introduce to you Reverend Father McFadden known all over the world, and other places besides.”

-introduction in Parliament, ninteenth century.

“I suppose you think that on our board half the directors do the work and the other half do nothing. As a matter of fact, gentlemen, the reverse is the case.”

-a chairman of the board of a prominent company defending his fellow directors.

“Due to an administrative error, the original of the attached letter was forwarded to you. A new original has been accomplished and forwarded to AAC/JA (Alaskan Air Command, Judge Advocate office). Please place this carbon copy in your files and destroy the original.”

-a memo from the Alaska Air Command, February 1973.

“They gave me a standing observation.”

– ex     -Houston Oiler and Florida State coach Bill Peterson.

“You’re a parasite for sore eyes.”

-attributed to actor/director Gregory Ratoff.

“If at any time I change my address when I notify you I hope you will be so kind as to change also.”

-letter from a reader renewing his subscription, received by the business manager of Motor News.

“You always write it’s bombing, bombing, bombing. It’s not bombing, it’s air support.”

-U. S. Air Force Colonel David Opfer, air attache in Cambodia, complaining to reporters about their coverage of the Vietnam War.

Ticket, please

Three engineers and three accountants were traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the three engineers bought only one ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked an accountant.

“Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer.

They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but the three engineers all crammed into a rest room and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the restroom door and said, “Ticket, please”.

The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand.

The conductor took it and moved on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was a quite clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy a ticket at all.

“How are you going to ride without a ticket”? said one perplexed accountant.

“Watch and you’ll see”, answered an engineer.

When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a restroom and the three engineers crammed into another one nearby. The train departed. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers left his restroom and walked over to the restroom where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please.”